Battered Bonds of Love

The alarm clock’s music filled the room at 4am and Liz reached over to shut it off. She was tired. As the years passed she grew more and more tired. She was 52 years old, a little heavier, a little softer, a little more mellow…and yes, a little more tired. She stood, tugging at the sheets and quilt as she made the bed. She would strip them this weekend and do the laundry. Same as every Saturday.

She glanced around the darkened room, admiring the mahogany chest and dresser with the large oval-shaped mirror, the 35 inch television, the gold and purple paisley sofa and chair against the far wall, and the large oval-shaped gold rug. She hadn’t a clue how to decorate the room when she moved into it a few years ago. Her daughter had helped. Gia, her youngest child. The only child that visited. The only child that called. The only child that accompanied her to the hospital last year when he broke her wrist for the third time. She sighed, annoyed at the thought. She didn’t have time to think about this right now.

Gia was still on her mind as she showered and then donned a pink blouse and charcoal gray double-breasted suit. She frowned into the full-length mirror. What happened to the five-foot-five-inch, size eight beauty who used to greet her in the morning? Well, after two kids, a size 12 wasn’t too bad. She still looked good for 52. She slipped into a pair of gray leather pumps, admiring the power suit. It looked good on her. It made her feel confident.

Gia had been a surprise during the episode last year. Actually, she was a surprise in general. She had been such a quiet child, one who’d never performed well in school. Now, she was working on her PhD in Physics and had moved from the Bronx to Virginia. She owned a one bedroom condominium there with her 32-year old “friend,” Bobbi. Liz smiled, shaking her head. One day her 27-year-old daughter would “come out of the closet.” One day. But she wouldn’t push. Of course she wished her daughter were straight. What parent wouldn’t? But Gia was doing so well. Bobbi was good for her. And Gia smiled a lot more now.

Liz sighed. She was proud of both her children. The oldest, Paul, was a mechanic. He owned his own shop in Los Angeles. He wasn’t married, but she didn’t blame him for that. She hadn’t seen him in three years. She didn’t blame him for that either. What could she say? Both of her children were convinced she should have divorced their father long ago. That she should not have stayed with him for their sake. She never knew how to make them understand. If she’d left, she would have had nothing. Nothing. So, if she had to deal with chipped teeth, broken limbs, and a multitude of bruises periodically, so be it. As long as he never hit the children.

She shook her head, wondering why she seemed stuck on such thoughts today. She had to get her head on straight. Otherwise those 6 year olds would eat her alive. She applied lipstick and mascara quickly, admiring the caramel face returning her gaze in the mirror. She brushed the dark curls, peppered with white strands, remembering when the thick, dark mane used to hang midway down her back. She loved the shorter cut Gia had encouraged her to get. It was less maintenance. She returned the hairbrush to the dresser top, examining her reflection one last time. She’d always been an attractive woman. Wide, bright eyes with pupils so dark they looked black, arched brows, full lips, dimples when she smiled. She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. Okay, she was ready for those first graders.

She grabbed a matching gray leather purse and her black briefcase, closing the front door quietly behind her. She was always careful not to wake him. He became enraged when she woke him and she didn’t want to fight this morning. He’d insisted on taking the bedroom closer to the front door in their one-story home. He claimed he wanted to protect her should anyone break in. Her bedroom was closer to the kitchen, which housed the back door. A prowler would probably break in the back door, unless the prowler was an idiot. Their front door faced a number of other homes. And in this upper middle-class, predominantly white area of the Bronx the police rode by several times during the late hours. The back yard faced a neatly manicured, fenced in quarter acre of lush, green lawn. Of course a criminal would enter through the back. But she hadn’t felt like fighting with him about it.

She thought the real reason he wanted his bedroom closer to the front door was to monitor her comings and goings. Especially after she insisted on sitting for the teacher’s certification exam, taking a job at a private elementary school in Manhattan and moving out of the master bedroom. He was retired now and hated being home alone. He thought she’d be home to “entertain” him. That fantasy had been destroyed a few years ago. She’d insisted on going to work…and for that she had been confined to the house for two weeks. She told Gia she’d slipped. Would that cause a black eye? She didn’t know anymore. What did it matter? Gia knew she was lying.

She glanced at her watch as she walked past their parked Honda Accord. 5:15am. Right on time. She took a deep breath. She loved this time of the year. It was mid May, a nice time in New York. Cool weather, chirping birds, only a few people on the street at this early hour. She held onto her briefcase, brushing a strand of hair from her forehead. The private school’s faculty shuttle would be along soon. Her heartbeat increased just a little at the thought.

She loved her job. She’d waited long enough to do it. And she was good at it, or so she was told by her principal. The kids adored her, she got along well with her fellow faculty members, and the parents had nothing but good things to say about her. Her principal was already trying to fast track her into an administrative position. He even offered to pay for her schooling if she went back for her Master’s degree. But she knew Peter would not allow her to return to school. So, she’d have to be content with teaching.

But her love for the job was not the only reason she was so excited this morning. The real reason she looked forward to leaving her house so early in the morning was the shuttle ride. Or, more specifically, the driver.

She was 18 when she married Peter and it wasn’t until years later that she realized her attraction to women. Peter had accused her of being a bulldagger long before she understood her feelings. She’d sworn to him that she was not. She still didn’t consider herself one. She just loved women. Loved the way they smelled, the sway of their hips, the swell of their breasts, the shape of their calves, the curve of their buttocks…all shapes, all sizes, all shades of brown. They were…absolutely titillating.

She’d never done anything about her desires of course. She was a married woman after all, and from a different era. Everyone had expected her to marry young and have children. So she had. The option of living a gay life hadn’t been available to her. And now? It didn’t make sense to leave her husband after thirty-four years of marriage. Well, to be honest, at this point Peter probably wouldn’t let her leave…

The shuttle rolled to a stop in front of her home. It was a nice comfortable bus with wide, plush, burgundy seats and the school’s name scrawled across the side in bright colors. The bus was one of five that catered to the faculty members who lived in the “other” boroughs. Peter had never cared for Manhattan and had bought their home in the Bronx at a steal while the area was still “up and coming.” The neighborhood board wanted a professional black couple to “balance” the area out. She found out later they needed a black couple in the area to qualify for a development grant. She didn’t really care. She didn’t like the fact that her kids were some of the only black children at the local schools, but they had a nice home and the schools were excellent. At the time, her children were all that mattered to her. She sighed impatiently, shrugging off the disturbing thoughts once again, anxiously waiting to board the shuttle.

The driver opened the shuttle doors and smiled. Immediately Liz’s heart began to race in her chest. This was the reason she left her home early every weekday morning…Terri (Theresa actually, but she preferred Terri). Every morning, when the doors of the shuttle opened, and Terri smiled at her, she could barely stop her heart from leaping from her chest. She and Terri had a standing breakfast date.

Terri stood, as she did for no other passenger and extended a hand to help Liz on board. Liz smiled, trying to calm her erratic heartbeat. To her, Terri was enough of a reason to leave her home an hour and a half early every morning. Enough of a reason to risk angering Peter. Terri was 41 years old, five feet nine inches tall with dark chocolate skin, a dazzling white smile, and mysteriously haunting blue-gray eyes. A gift from her great-great-grandmother, she claimed. According to Terri, her great-great-grandmother, a slave, had been raped. Her master had the same blue-gray eyes.

Terri was a broad woman with squared shoulders, a narrow waist, slim hips, and a flat stomach. She was a stark contrast to Liz’s curvaceous figure. Liz knew she had driven the school’s children’s bus for two years, applying for her current position when the driver of a faculty shuttle retired. They’d met about a year ago when Liz was forced to ride the shuttle because of her broken wrist. She’d been riding the shuttle ever since.

Liz was Terri’s first stop in the morning and the two, after a while, found themselves chatting quite amicably. Months later, Terri shocked Liz by inviting her out to dinner. Liz remembered the invitation as if happened yesterday. The school day was over and Terri was returning faculty members to their doorsteps. Liz was her last stop. Once Claire, who lived about fifteen minutes from Liz, waved goodbye and disappeared into her backdoor, Terri pulled off, heading for Liz’s house. Liz noticed Terri had been unusually quiet that day and it disappointed her. She always looked forward to their talks at the end of the day. She typically rattled on about her students while Terri listened. But that day Terri simply stared out of the large windshield into traffic. When they pulled up to Liz’s home, Liz noticed the Honda was gone. That meant Peter wasn’t home. She was glad she could take a moment.

“You’re very quiet today,” she began softly.

No response.

Liz waited a moment, “did I offend you in some way?”

When Terri turned to her, Liz was taken back. As naïve as she was, even she recognized something raw in those mesmerizing blue-gray eyes. She could feel her body respond against her will and the rush of intense feelings confused her. Suddenly very uncomfortable, she stood to leave, but Terri also stood, blocking her escape. They were standing very close…too close. Liz could feel the warmth radiating from Terri’s form, could smell Terri’s cologne. She was afraid to look up into those eyes, afraid of what she might see…afraid of what her own face revealed.

Liz watched in a trembling silence as Terri reached out and softly, tenderly, stroked her cheek. It was the first contact between them. Liz heard a sigh, she didn’t know if it came from her or Terri. She only knew her body was betraying her, consumed by an unfamiliar heat, an almost physical ache. She took a deep breath. This could not be happening. Not here, not now. She stepped back, but not before Terri’s lips tenderly brushed her forehead. The touch of her lips seared Liz’s skin and she felt goose bumps rise on her flesh. When Terri spoke, her voice was a warm, raspy caress against Liz’s cheek.

“Have dinner with me,” Terri demanded softly.

Liz closed her eyes, taking another deep breath. “I—…I—” she couldn’t form the words. She couldn’t possibly dine with this woman. Not if her body responded like this when the woman simply looked at her, simply touched her cheek.

She tried to speak again, after taking in another deep breath, but couldn’t form the words. Eventually she strangled out a suggestion for breakfast instead. Just one breakfast, she promised herself. Breakfast was safe. It would take place during daylight for goodness sake. And surely she could keep her emotions in check for one breakfast meeting, couldn’t she?

When she glanced up into the depths of those blue-gray eyes, she was rewarded by Terri’s intoxicating smile. She found herself wondering why the smile of this woman, this bus driver, made her blood boil. She didn’t allow herself to dwell on the thought for long. Instead, she hurried from the bus, fumbling for her keys and quickly bolting the front door behind her. She ran to her bedroom, making certain the shower’s water was cool enough to soothe her heated flesh. She had to get her pulse back to normal before her all too observant husband came home.

*

They had breakfast every day of every week after that, unless school was out of session. And Liz tried to bury the feelings awakened that night. She didn’t understand why her heart pounded wildly when she saw Terri. She didn’t understand why she dreamt of this woman’s hands caressing her, the feel of that tongue burning a path from her lips to her neck and down toward her…she didn’t make much of an effort to understand any of it. She simply ate breakfast with Terri as often as possible and tried hard not to enjoy their time together too much.

Liz took her seat on the shuttle, the same seat she occupied every morning, the seat that allowed her the best view of Terri. When Terri told her she looked beautiful, Liz blushed, trying not to read anything into the compliment. And she forced herself to ignore that pervasive look of hunger in Terri’s eyes.

“How did you sleep?” Terri asked, her husky voice sending a chill down Liz’s spine. Liz smiled, she asked that same question every morning. “I slept well. Thank you.” It was a necessary lie. Liz could never tell her of the erotic dreams that usually plagued her. “You?”

“Dreamt all night…didn’t get much sleep.”

Liz wanted to ask what she dreamt about, but thought better of it. She played with the latch on her briefcase instead. Jesus, it would be nice if her heart would just slow down a little. She was going to have a heart attack at this rate. She swallowed. “Breakfast” with Terri was getting harder and harder as her dreams about this woman became more and more erotic.

They were quiet as Terri drove toward the diner they frequented, finally pulling into the parking lot. Terri stepped from the vehicle first, extending a hand to Liz. She held Liz’s chair once they were inside, sitting across the table from her. Bea, their regular waitress, was there almost immediately.

“Mornin’ ladies.”

Liz smiled, “hey Bea, coffee and the usual please.”

“Ditto.” Terri echoed.

Liz could feel Terri watching her from across the table. Terri had shared on numerous occasions that she thought Liz was a beautiful woman. Although Liz thought her looks were fading, Terri assured her they weren’t. She was heavier now, but as she watched Terri take in the curves of her hips and the swell of her breasts as if they were down right delicious, she couldn’t help but feel good about herself. Terri always made a point to tell her that her face was beautifully etched with laugh lines and that her smile could light up an entire city block. And she blushed every time Terri mentioned her legs, insisting they turned the heads of both men and women alike. Liz had been a track star in high school and knew she had nice legs. She hid them most of the time, but June was approaching and sometimes she wore a skirt above the knee and she would enjoy watching Terri shift uncomfortably behind the steering wheel when she occasionally caught a glimpse of a garter and stockings.

She shook her head, she’d missed Terri’s comment. “Sorry, I was daydreaming. What?”

“I said you look beautiful this morning.”

Liz smiled, pleasantly embarrassed. Terri reached over to cover Liz’s hand with her own. This was the only time of day Liz would allow Terri to touch her. Bea brought their food and Terri sipped at her coffee, watching Liz go through her daily preparations before she ate. She wiped the silverware free of water spots, then rearranged the place setting as if she was sitting at a formal dinner. She bowed her head and said a quick prayer, then picked up her fork and began with her over easy, lightly salted eggs. Terri chuckled, it was the same each time they met. Liz looked up, her eyes filled with humor. Terri had teased her about this before.

“Oh shut up,” she laughed. Liz ate her eggs, played with her bacon (she never finished the bacon), and nibbled at a piece of toast. She had a few sips of coffee and was then ready to leave. She realized Terri had sat back to watch her eat yet again. Terri rarely ate the bagel she ordered in the mornings. In fact, she seemed more than satisfied just watching Liz.

*****

Liz stood in front of her home at 5:15 the next morning, waiting patiently for the shuttle. She’d selected a black knit dress and wrapped a bright red print scarf around her shapely hips. Her short hair framed her face in an ebony and gray cloud that barely brushed her shoulders. She felt good and hoped Terri liked what she saw. Then she quickly chastised herself for the thought.

She was glad it was Wednesday, the middle of the week. Her students had a project due today. A collage. Their assignment was to find four pictures in a magazine that reminded them of their families. They then had to write a sentence about each picture, explaining why they chose it. She was looking forward to the presentations. Some of them spent so much time on their work, she knew she would be pleased. Yesterday, she had helped two students put the finishing touches on their collages. The only two black students in her class. She had to wrestle with herself frequently about the special attention she rained on them. It presented a problem for her only because it was evident to her principal when he observed her class. She discussed the matter with him often. They were two of the eight black children in a private school of 500 students. They needed special attention, she insisted, or they would never make it. He agreed, but continually asked her to make that “special attention” less obvious. It was an almost impossible task for her.

She glanced at her watch. It was chilly this morning and the shuttle was a few minutes late. Ah, there it was.

“Liz?”

Her heart stopped. She’d been so preoccupied she hadn’t heard the front door open. She turned, flustered.

“Peter…I’m just waiting for the shuttle.”

She watched Peter look her over and grew anxious as his face clouded over. He was a very attractive man, light-skinned with a squared jaw, sultry brown eyes, long dark lashes, and black hair peppered heavily with gray. He was tall, over six feet, and rather muscular. He had always spent a lot of time at the gym, but he went almost every day now. Probably to stave off boredom, Liz had surmised. Recently, he had taken to watching her more closely, accusing her of having an affair. Why else would she leave at the crack of dawn and return after dark most days, he asked. She smiled more often, took more time with her appearance…all the telltale signs according to him. They had fought about it. He demanded she allow him to drive her to work and pick her up, she refused. She won…sort of. The bruise on her thigh had healed rather quickly. It was only a few kicks that time, not too bad.

“It’s 5am, what kind of school expects you to get there so early?” He growled. She was silent, taking a few steps back as he approached her. She didn’t want to fight this morning…and Terri was pulling up to the house.

“You look like a slut,” he spat. “Is that for her? That bitch bulldagger driver? You think I haven’t seen how she looks at you? Go change,” his voice was frighteningly low.

Liz took a deep breath, steeling herself. It wasn’t the first time he’d mentioned Terri. But this morning she didn’t want to change, even at the risk of pissing him off.

“Peter, I have a meeting and I don’t have time to—”

She almost never saw the hand before it struck. Even after all these years it was always a shock. She was on the ground before another word left her mouth. Her hand covered her cheek. Goddamnit. She saw the shuttle bus stop and quickly got to her feet, grabbing her purse and briefcase before disappearing into the house. She wouldn’t expose Terri to this. She would change her clothes and then Peter would let her go to work. Terri would probably wait a few minutes and then leave. Yes, that was the best way to handle things.

She was sitting at the bay window when the shuttle returned. It was 6:45am, the time the shuttle was normally scheduled to pick her up. She’d sat in her darkened living room with her heart in her throat for over an hour waiting for the shuttle to return…and worrying. She had no idea what she would say about missing their breakfast date. And she had no idea what Terri had seen. She was glad Peter had gone back to bed after selecting an oversized tan jacket and matching skirt for her. She grabbed her briefcase and purse, walking quickly up the walk to the shuttle. Terri stood to help her onto the shuttle as usual, making sure she was settled before pulling away from the curb. Liz closed her eyes. Neither of them said a word, and Claire, the next passenger, was only a few minutes away. She swallowed. She had to say something.

“I’m sorry, I forgot some papers and then I must have missed you,” she finally gushed. She immediately felt horrible. Would she have to lie to Terri now, too? She felt a rush of resentment. But she didn’t have a choice. What could she say? Terri, my husband is bored, jealous, possessive and he beats me?

Terri did not respond. Liz sighed. She knew Terri couldn’t possibly see the dark bruise on her cheek. She was an expert at covering up the bruises now. And the ice had kept the swelling down for the most part.

“I saw what happened, Liz.”

Terri’s voice was soft, steady…and Liz thought she felt her heart actually stop beating this time. She wanted the seat to open up and swallow her into it. She closed her eyes again, clutching her briefcase to her chest. Oh God, please no. She was relieved when Terri opened the door for Claire and they were no longer able to talk about the incident. The ride was painfully long. When the shuttle finally arrived at the school, Liz averted her eyes and hurried off the bus. She felt humiliated. She would drive to school from now on. She couldn’t possibly face Terri again. She could feel the tears well up and wondered how she would get through the rest of the day. Damn Peter. She could not even imagine what Terri thought. She should have changed without protest. She should never have agreed to the breakfast dates. God, what was she doing with her life?

She stood, took a deep breath, and walked to her waiting class. She was greeted by the cheerful hello of 14 first graders. She smiled wanly, realizing she probably looked as stressed as she felt. The teacher’s aide raised a brow, but she simply waved her hand at the aide, indicating that she was fine. The young aide was always watching her. She probably thought she was having a stroke or something. Liz forced a cheerier smile and began her lesson for the day.

*

She was terrified on the ride home. She had no idea what she would say to Terri when they were alone for those final 15 minutes. Perhaps she would not say anything and just stick her head in a book, pretending to read. But something told her that wouldn’t work. When the shuttle stopped to drop Claire off, Liz could hear her own heart thumping loudly. She was a wreck as Terri pulled away from the curb and began the drive toward Liz’s house.

The silence was almost deafening. Liz swallowed. It wouldn’t be much longer now. Then, before she knew it, Terri was stopping the bus before her suburban home. She stood to hurry from the bus, once again relieved that the Honda was not parked in the driveway. She knew things had gone much too easily when she suddenly found herself face to face with Terri, blocking her escape.

“I won’t let him keep hurting you.”

Liz stared up into those blue-gray eyes, her own eyes filling with tears as she lowered her head.

“I-I don’t need any help.”

Terri reached out to place a finger under Liz’s chin. She tilted her head upward, taking a moment to wipe the tears from Liz’s soft cheeks. Then she leaned down to touch her lips tenderly to Liz’s partially opened mouth. The kiss lasted for only an instant and both women froze, staring at one another. When Terri lowered her head to kiss her again, Liz did not stop her. This time Terri’s lips were more insistent, tasting deeply of her sweetness. Liz closed her eyes, her heart hammering in her chest. Terri’s lips were strong, sure, gently demanding. Liz gave in to her, enjoying the heat of Terri’s tongue as it danced with hers. Abruptly Terri pulled away and Liz staggered back a step back, opening her eyes. Terri watched her silently for a moment before speaking.

“If he puts his hands on you again, I’m not going to simply drive away.”

Liz shook her head, “please don’t,” she pleaded softly.

Terri simply smiled, taking a step forward and leaning down to kiss Liz’s forehead. “I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”

Liz nodded, quickly exiting the shuttle. She stood and watched as Terri drove off. She couldn’t help the smile that spread across her lips. She had just experienced her first kiss with a woman. And it was so much better than she had ever imagined…

*****

Liz was able to forget that conversation on the shuttle over the course of the next month. They met for breakfast as usual without any mishap. And each evening, when Terri dropped her off, Liz looked for the Honda. If it was not parked in front of the house, Terri would kiss her goodnight. Liz found herself praying the car would not be parked there when they arrived. With each kiss, Liz could feel her resolve diminishing. She found herself longing for the feel of Terri’s lips, the feel of Terri’s body pressed against hers…

It was chilly this November afternoon as Liz boarded the shuttle for the ride home. She pulled the collar of her trench coat up, settling into her seat, watching as Terri turned up the heat. When she looked over at Terri appreciatively, Terri winked at her. Liz could feel her cheeks warm as Claire sat down beside her.

“Damn it’s cold. Thanks for cranking up the heat Ter!”

“No problem.” Terri’s throaty response provided all the heat Liz needed. Liz smiled to herself at the thought.

She chatted with her colleagues as the sun set rapidly and the shuttle made its way to the Bronx. Liz could feel her body tingle as they approached Claire’s stop. She struggled to listen to Claire as she began the silent mantra in her head – please don’t let him be home, please don’t let him be home. Finally, Claire waved to them before closing the door to her two-story brick home. The two remaining on the shuttle were silent as Terri drove on. Liz was a little startled when Terri’s raspy voice interrupted her thoughts.

“Liz.”

Liz blinked, looking at the entrance to her home. The time had passed so quickly. It always passed quickly when she was with Terri. The Honda was not parked out front. She felt both relieved and flushed in the same instant. She gathered her belongings and stood, watching as Terri shut off the engine and the interior lights, unfolding her lithe, muscular form from behind the steering wheel. Terri took hold of Liz’s briefcase and set it down. One hand snaked out to curl behind the back of Liz’s head as Terri pulled Liz close to her and looked down into her dark brown eyes. Liz could feel her body begin to tremble as Terri brought her closer. Their lips met, tongues meshing, liquid heat to liquid heat. Liz’s purse fell from her shoulder as Terri’s hands slipped inside the trench coat and around her waist, pulling her even closer to her muscular frame. Liz could feel her remaining defenses dissolve as the sheer pleasure of Terri filled her senses. She wanted more. She knew it was wrong, but she wanted so much more from this woman. She moaned softly as she felt one of Terri’s hands shift and a thumb brushed lightly across her hardened nipple.

It was over all too soon. She realized Terri always made a monumental effort to stop herself before she went too far. She was giving Liz all the space and time she needed and Liz truly appreciated it. Terri kept Liz pressed against her tightly as their breathing slowly returned to normal. She buried her face in Liz’s soft hair for a moment and Liz barely heard her soft growl.

“God I want you.”

The throaty whisper poured over Liz, inflaming her. It was the first time Terri had voiced such desire. Terri set Liz back from her, staring down at her, waiting for a reaction. Liz could only smile. She wasn’t ready to voice her feelings yet, but she prayed Terri knew she was not in this alone. Terri also smiled, pulling Liz to her again for another hug before separating from her completely.

“Go.” Terri insisted huskily.

Liz nodded. She grabbed her things and hurried from the shuttle, listening to the sounds of the engine coming alive again. She turned to watch the shuttle pull off, waving before she continued up the walk to the house.

She raised a brow as she reached the front door. The lights in the living room were on. Had Peter left them on by accident? It was not like him to be forgetful. She glanced toward the one-car garage, but nothing was amiss there. Their second car, a Toyota Camry, sat in the dark, silent and quiet as always. She shook her head. Peter probably left the lights on. No big deal. She chuckled to herself, realizing she must be feeling guilty for kissing Terri in her own front yard. The mind could play some wicked tricks on a person, especially when that person felt guilty.

She unlocked the front door, dropping her things on a table to her immediate left. She would have to move them before Peter arrived. He hated “clutter” in the front room. She hung her trench in the coat closet, turning to make her way to her bedroom when she stopped dead in her tracks. Peter was leaning against a wall, a tumbler filled with amber liquid in his hand. He watched her silently, drinking from the glass periodically. They stood facing one another for what seemed like an eternity. Liz could hear her heart hammering loudly as fear crept up her spine. She could tell he had been drinking for some time.

“P-Peter, I didn’t realize you were h-here. I didn’t see the car.” The words sounded stilted to her own ears.

“The Honda’s in the shop. Jerry dropped me off.”

He drank from the glass again. She finished unbuttoning her black jacket and pulled the cream silk blouse from her waistband.

“Oh, is it time for a tune-up already?” She inquired absently. Jerry, their mechanic, lived close by. That would explain why the Honda was not in the driveway. She stepped out of her black pumps, picking them up and attempting to walk past him on her way to her bedroom. He blocked her. She swallowed past the dryness in her throat.

“Peter, I need to shower and change so I can get dinner ready.”

“What were you two doing out there?”

She knew the question was coming, but the sound of it as it left his lips absolutely terrified her. How could she explain being on the parked, dark shuttle with Terri for about ten minutes? Her brain scrambled desperately for a believable lie.

“Sh-she…the engine. It shut off. I-I was holding the flashlight—”

“I didn’t see a flashlight.”

“Oh? That’s funny. I was holding it. It wasn’t very bright.”

He watched her, finishing his cognac in one gulp.

“What was wrong with it?” He demanded, his breath warm and pungent against her face.

She couldn’t tell if he believed her or not, “I, uh…I don’t know. You know I don’t know anything about that stuff. She jiggled something and it started up again.”

She silently prayed that he believed her, once again attempting to pass. He moved out of her way and she closed her eyes, mouthing a silent thank you as she headed toward her bedroom once again.

She was completely shocked when suddenly he grabbed a handful of her hair and yanked her backwards. She dropped her jacket and shoes as she found her back flush against his massive chest. She could smell the expensive liquor on his breath. He was breathing harshly and she could feel her pulse quicken. He seized her chin between his thumb and forefinger painfully, jerking her head around to meet his terrifyingly cold gaze.

“Really? Trouble with the bus? Then tell me Liz,” she remained still, filled with a sense of dread, as his thumb wiped across her lips brutally, “why is your lipstick smeared all over your fucking face?”

She couldn’t think of an answer, but she didn’t need to. Her brain processed one thought only – he was going to kill her. She tried to prepare herself for the assault, but to no avail. She couldn’t even stop the first scream.

*

The alarm clock’s music filled the room at 4am. Liz tried to reach over to shut it off, but she couldn’t. She was able to open her left eye, but she could feel that the right was swollen shut. She licked her ashen lips, wincing as her tongue grazed a wound covered with dried blood. He had not allowed her to go to the hospital, although she was pretty certain he had broken at least one of her ribs. She glanced over at her left hand. One of the fingers lay in an odd position. She wondered if it, too, was broken. She had pleaded with him to take her to the hospital, but he’d refused. She decided she would call for an ambulance when he passed out, but he had tied her to the bed. The alarm clock continued to play music.

He had forced her to take a number of sleeping pills. He didn’t want her to free herself while he slept. She’d been pretty groggy, and unable to loosen her ties, but she hadn’t slept. She was in too much pain to sleep. The alarm clock continued to play music.

Peter entered her room thirty minutes later and shut off the alarm. He untied her, grabbing a handful of her hair and pulling her face close to his. She almost gagged on his breath which stank of sleep and alcohol. He had been drinking again this morning.

“Make yourself beautiful Liz so you can tell that bulldagger to fuck off. Then you’ll call that school and quit. Then, and only then, we’ll go to the hospital. Do you understand me?”

She nodded. She would do anything he said when he was in this state. He yanked her out of the bed and she gasped, squelching the scream that so desperately wanted to erupt from her as she fell to the floor. She buried her face in the carpet for just a moment, keeping a pair of blue-gray eyes in her mind as she attempted to focus.

“Hurry up, Liz. We don’t want to keep your dyke waiting.”

She nodded again as he left the room. She wondered if she should be grateful that he had allowed her to live. She’d passed out last night after he had struck her over and over. When she regained consciousness, he knocked her to the plush carpeted floor and began kicking her again and again. Then he started on her face. She used her left hand to block one of the blows. She wasn’t sure when she’d passed out again.

She crawled to her private bath, clutching at the sink for leverage as she pulled herself up to her feet. She took a deep breath, reached over slowly to switch on the light, and then peered in the mirror. She almost didn’t recognize the woman staring back at her. Indeed, her right eye was swollen shut. The entire right side of her face was a bluish purple. Her lip was split. Her hair was a mess. She tried to smile at the image in the mirror. How was she supposed to face Terri in this condition? How could she convince Terri to leave and never return? And what would happen if she didn’t?

She swallowed some pain killers and made her way into the shower, wincing as the hot water struck her bruised flesh. She could not sell a story like “I fell” to Terri. Perhaps if she simply did not go out to meet her, Terri would leave? Like before? But Terri would return, wouldn’t she? And wouldn’t she suspect that something had happened, like before? God, what was she going to do? She would not allow Peter to hurt Terri. And she knew Peter would take care of the situation his way if she failed to do so. She showered quickly, dressing in jeans and a sweatshirt. She applied as much make-up as possible to hide the swelling and bruising. Could she stand so that Terri only saw the left side of her face? That would prevent Terri from seeing the worst of it. She glanced at the clock on her nightstand, 5:14am.

Peter was sitting in the living room watching TV. He had showered and changed as well. She had to admit he looked handsome sitting there, casually watching the weather. She shook her head, who would have known? She heard the powerful engine of the shuttle as it stopped out front. She held her breath, hoping Terri would simply pull off. When she heard the engine die, she swallowed. No such luck. Peter was pretending to ignore her. She opened the door just a crack before Terri reached it, making sure Terri could only see part of her face in the dim light of dawn.

“Hey, running late?”
Liz had to force her body not to respond to the sound of Terri’s voice. “No, I-I’m calling in sick today. I don’t feel well.”

She watched Terri’s face as it changed from a warm smile to a look of concern, “what’s wrong? You okay?”

“I’m okay. You know, I think I’m going to drive in from now on. It would be better for me. I could leave school a little earlier and run some errands on the way home…” Her voice trailed off. Those blue-gray eyes had narrowed and Terri’s face was quickly shifting from concern for Liz’s health to what appeared to be a slow, budding anger.

“Open the door Liz.”

It was a simple command, but Liz could not compel herself to adhere to it. She knew nothing good would come of it.

“Terri, just leave, please.”

“I’m not leaving until you open the door.”

Liz could feel her heart sinking, “please Terri,” it was a desperate plea but she knew it was already too late. Peter snatched the door from her and pushed her aside.

“Look you fucking dyke, I know what you’ve been doing with my wife. She’s quitting that job and your services are no longer needed. Now fuck off!”

He attempted to slam the door in her face, but Terri stuck her foot out to prevent him from doing so. The door flew open and Peter turned to face Terri with surprise. And as Terri’s gaze settled on Liz, her face no longer reflected anger. Instead, Liz was certain, she was in a state of absolute rage. Liz quickly stepped between the two of them.

“Terri, please just go.”

“Hitting her make you feel like a man?”

The words were spoken with a deadly calm and Liz could feel her heart pounding in her ears.

“Fuck you, you fucking wife-snatching bulldagger bitch!”

Liz turned to face Terri squarely, “please, let me handle this, please.”

“How many times did you fuck my wife? Is that why she won’t fuck me anymore? Get out of my house, you stupid bitch!”

Liz watched as Terri stepped into the house completely and advanced toward Peter. Her pleas of desperation quickened, “Terri, for God’s sake—”

But the words fell on deaf ears. Peter pushed her out of the way and she cried out as she hit the floor. Pain knifed through her but she forced herself to ignore it. She watched as the two of them faced off, standing only inches apart. Peter stood a few inches taller and was probably 50 pounds heavier, but Terri didn’t back down an inch. She stared at him without blinking an eye.

“Why don’t you hit me like you hit her?” Terri asked quietly.

Liz wanted to grab her, to pull her away from him before he assaulted her. Why was she antagonizing him? Why was she goading him? She could feel panic rising in her.

“Terri! Just go, please!”

Suddenly Peter swung at her, but Terri stepped aside, avoiding his fist, and Liz watched in shock as Terri jabbed at his Adam’s apple. He gagged, clutching his throat. Terri landed a fist in his abdomen, knocking the wind from him, and then kneed him in the groin. He yelped and fell to his knees. She kicked him in his middle and then in the face. He fell flat onto the carpet, moaning. Liz continued to watch in a state of shock. She didn’t know if she wanted to stop Terri from beating her husband or leap to her feet and join in. She watched as Terri prepared to kick him again.

“Terri!”

Her shrill voice seemed to shake Terri from her state. Terri’s blue-gray eyes settled on her and the anger evaporated, quickly replaced by concern. She knelt beside Liz.

“Are you okay?”

Liz shook her head, “my side hurts…and I think my finger is broken.”

Terri nodded, helping her to her feet. Liz glanced over at Peter who was still lying on the carpet, groaning as he held his crotch. She closed her eyes for just a moment and swallowed, “he’s going to kill me when I get home tonight.”

“He won’t be here when you get home tonight.”

She winced in pain as Terri grabbed her purse for her and lead her from the house, “what?”

“When you tell the hospital staff what happened, they’ll call the police. New York has a mandatory arrest law.”

Liz stopped dead in her tracks, “No. I won’t send him to prison.”

Liz was angry with herself as the words left her lips. She watched as Terri stared down at her. Terri shook her head, seeming to resolve the dilemma in her mind before speaking.

“Let me get you to the hospital and then we’ll talk about it. Okay?”

Liz nodded, following her out to the shuttle. Terri helped her settle into her regular seat. As the shuttle pulled away from the curb, Liz closed her eyes. She listened to the electronic beeps as Terri dialed a number on her cell phone. Terri was explaining that she needed someone to drive the shuttle this morning because she was escorting one of the faculty members to the hospital. Her back-up driver agreed to meet them there. Liz didn’t remember much else.

Their wait was short when they reached the emergency room. Within an hour she was led to a make-shift examination room where a doctor examined her. She then went downstairs for a series of x-rays. Two of her ribs were bruised and he had broken a finger on her left hand. They wrapped her middle, put her finger in a cast, and tended to the bruises on her face. When she told the attending physician she fell down the stairs, the doctor simply shook her head in disbelief. They were not keeping her overnight and she was both relieved and terrified to leave the hospital. Once she was discharged, she stepped into the waiting room to find Terri reading a magazine. She was annoyed with herself at the pleasure she felt when she spotted the dark-skinned beauty. She had been at the hospital for almost four hours and not only had Terri waited but, as agreed, she had not called the police. When Terri finally looked her way, she stood and quickly made her way over.

“You okay?” She asked softly.

Liz nodded, “I’ve been through worse. I need to get this prescription filled and…” She trailed off. She didn’t want to go home, but she didn’t feel comfortable saying so. “And I need to call the school.”

Terri nodded, “I already called, but the principal wanted you to call when you could. You can call on the way to the pharmacy, okay?”

Terri hailed a cab for them and Liz settled into the back seat. The pain killer they had given her would not wear off for hours. She wasn’t really listening as Terri gave the cab driver an address. Terri dialed the school’s main switchboard and handed her cell phone to Liz.

She explained to her principal that she’d been in a car accident and that the doctor recommended she take two weeks off to recuperate. Liz noticed that Terri turned to look out of the window as she told the lie. Moments later, she disconnected the call.

“He’s going to find a sub for me.”

Terri nodded, turning back to her, “are you okay, do you need anything?”

Liz shook her head, settling back against the stiff leather seat. She closed her eyes. “Terri…” She didn’t know what to say.

“Just relax, baby. Let me take care of you.”

The words comforted Liz in a way she didn’t think possible. She could feel the tears coming and tried to ward them off but couldn’t. Terri held her close as she sobbed.

*

It wasn’t until Terri left her side to fill the prescription that she realized they were in Manhattan. She wondered if Terri was taking her to a hotel for the night. The thought was comforting. She wasn’t ready to face Peter yet. She didn’t know when she would be. She conjured up the image of him lying on the floor, gasping in pain, and realized deep down it felt good to have him switch places with her. Now she had to decide what to do about what had transpired. This was not something Peter would forget easily. And she was certain he would want to punish her for it.

When Terri returned, Liz once again had to force her body not to respond at the mere sight of her. She wanted to reach out and draw Terri’s energy into her. Instead, she simply smiled as Terri held up the small white bag.

“Sorry it took so long. They always have to fill out the forms in triplicate and call the hospital for confirmation when it’s narcotics.”

Liz simply nodded. She was familiar with the process. She’d had narcotics prescribed for her many times over the course of her thirty-four years with Peter.

“Terri, thanks for all this. I need a hotel with room service, I don’t think I’ll be up to dining out for a little while.”

Terri stared at her for a moment, and Liz felt her breath catch as those blue-gray eyes took her in. They shared the look for another moment before Terri turned to give the driver another address. Liz had to force herself, yet again, to ignore the feelings she had for this woman. This was not a good time to focus on Terri. In fact, it had been hours and hours and she had not thought to even call and check on her husband. She swallowed.

“Could I borrow your phone again?”

Terri handed it to her without hesitation, quickly showing her how to use it. She turned to glance out of the window as Liz dialed a familiar number.

She was almost relieved to get the machine, but as she was leaving a message he picked up the phone. She was silent for a moment.

“Are you okay?” She asked.

“No. Where are you? When are you coming home?”

“I’m staying at a hotel. I’ll be home in a few days.” The lie slipped from between her lips easily. She rationalized that she would be at a hotel soon, so it really didn’t matter.

“Come home.”

“No. I think it’s better if we take a couple of days off.” She’d had this conversation with him before. After the children had moved out, she would sometimes stay a night or two at a hotel after they had a ‘disagreement.’

Peter was silent for a moment, “look, you know I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry, okay? Just come home.”

“No Peter, not right now.”

“Are you fucking her?”

The question startled her, “of course not,” she insisted. “She’s my friend, that’s all.”

“Then what were you doing on that damn bus with her?”

Liz sighed, “I told you what happened on the shuttle.”

“You’re a fucking liar. You always have been. You lie to everyone, your children, to me, yourself. You’re a stupid, fucking, lying bitch. And tell that bulldagger she’s dead.”

“Peter—” she wasn’t too surprised to hear the click as he hung up. She handed the cell phone back to Terri, her hand trembling. Terri didn’t say a word.

The cab stopped in front of a brownstone on the upper west side of Manhattan. Liz watched as Terri exited the cab and went to the driver’s window to pay. Liz stepped from the car, shutting the door and waiting as Terri settled the bill. Terri was at her side a moment later.

“Still okay?”

She smiled up into Terri’s concerned blue-gray eyes, “the shot they gave me is working. I’m okay. Where are we?”

“My place. Come on.”

Liz’s breath caught in her chest at those words. Terri’s place? Terri’s place? With the drugs she had in her system, and her hormones running amuck for this woman, this was probably a really bad idea. She turned to watch Terri walk to the lobby door and open it, waiting for her.

“Terri, I don’t want to be a burden any more than I have been already. A hotel is fine, really.”

Terri raised a brow, simply waiting. Liz took a deep breath and entered the building.

The first-floor apartment was a relatively small one-bedroom. The living room was decorated simply with a green sofa and love seat. A wall held a wall-unit with a huge television and an elaborate stereo system. Although sparse, the walls were painted a soft cranberry, making the room warm and inviting. Liz placed her purse on the sofa, looking around.

“It’s nice.”

“It’s a dump but its home.” Terri laughed.

Liz smiled, “no, I mean it. It’s nice. Cozy.”

Terri waved at the small table and chairs, stove, refrigerator and other appliances in a far corner, “that’s the kitchen and the bedroom is over there,” she pointed toward a door in another corner. “The bathroom is through the bedroom.”

Liz nodded, dropping down into the chair. Terri was at her side instantly. “Time for a pill?” she asked with concern.

Liz shook her head, “no, not yet. I’m just tired. I, uh, didn’t get much sleep last night.”

Terri nodded, “why don’t you lie down in the bedroom for a while?”

Liz paused. She didn’t want to take Terri’s bed, but she had to admit the idea of lying down sounded great. She made her way hesitantly to the bedroom, smiling as she peered inside. Terracotta walls, a massive cherry wood four poster bed with matching dresser and chest, and a comfy looking emerald green quilt on the bed. There was a flat, expensive looking stereo system on one wall and a flat-screen television on another. She entered, feeling herself relax. The stereo system lit up suddenly and soothing jazz filled the room. Terri was standing at the door, remote control in hand.

“Tee shirts are in the top chest drawer.”

Liz nodded. The door closed between them. Liz sighed, it would be good to get some rest considering she hadn’t slept last night. She found a WNBA tee shirt, slipped into it and crawled beneath the thick emerald green quilt. She was asleep within minutes.

The sun had set by the time Liz woke, but soft light illuminated the terracotta walls of the bedroom, helping Liz to remember where she was. She turned to bury her head into the pillows, inhaling deeply. Terri’s scent was on the linen. She smiled. She never imagined she would be sleeping in this woman’s bed. She glanced at a clock on the nightstand, God, was it really 7pm already? She must have been exhausted. She attempted to sit up but winced, taking in a sharp breath. The pain medication had worn off. Her ribs and finger were throbbing painfully. She slowly swung her feet off the bed and sat up. Two large capsules and a glass of water waited for her on a nightstand beside the bed. She smiled again, taking the pills. She sat still for a few more minutes. She knew they would work quickly.

She was able to move about pretty freely twenty minutes later. She stood, entering the bathroom. It was painted gold, the area rugs and shower curtain a deep pine green with a threaded gold design. Liz found an unopened toothbrush in the medicine cabinet and quickly brushed her teeth. She splashed water on her face, using a soft towel to dry it. Her hair was lying flat against her head, the short cut framing her face. She smiled at herself wanly in the mirror before leaving the bedroom. The bruises would take much longer to fade this time.

The smells from the kitchen had not been strong in the bedroom, but the living room smelled heavenly. She watched Terri dish out two helpings, setting the plates on the small, round table. She placed beverages near both plates and turned to Liz.

“I heard you in the bathroom. Did you find the pills?”

“Yea, thanks.”

“Hungry?”

“Starving. Thanks again”

Liz sat down across from Terri. She took a moment to rearrange her place setting to her liking, smiling as Terri watched her. They ate silently after Liz complemented Terri on the dish. The music of Four Play piped through the room from the oversized speakers in the living room. Terri was done before her, having eaten only a third of what was on her plate. Liz, realizing she hadn’t eaten since lunch the previous day, was starving. She glanced at Terri’s plate a few times until Terri piled her leftovers onto Liz’s plate with a smile. After another soda, Liz sat back in her chair and patted her stomach, “I’ll regret it later when I’m too full to sleep comfortably.”

Terri didn’t say a word, cleaning off the table. Liz watched her as she worked. In fact, she realized Terri had not said much to her all day. When Terri put away the last dish and wiped off the table, Liz followed her into the living room. She settled onto the sofa, her feet curled beneath her. Terri sat on the adjacent loveseat. The two women sat silently, listening to a new CD by Floetry. After a few minutes, Liz turned to face Terri.

“You think I’m pathetic, don’t you? Sticking up for him, refusing to call the police, refusing to leave?”

Terri looked at her with those blue-gray eyes and smiled sadly, “no, I don’t think you’re pathetic.”

“What do you think?” Liz pushed. “You haven’t said much all day.”

Terri shrugged, “what does it matter what I think?”

“It matters to me. I want to know. Please.”

Terri leaned forward, positioning her body so that she was close to Liz as she spoke. “Do you really want to know what I think,” she asked softly.

Liz nodded. Her heart had begun to thump painfully in her chest. She could feel the sexual tension between them suddenly. It was deliciously familiar by now. She wanted to think she wasn’t prepared for the feel of Terri’s lips against her own, but her body was craving it. And so she simply moaned when their lips finally met. She let herself melt into the feel of this woman, the heat of her mouth, the stroke of her tongue. When they parted, Terri smiled at her.

“I think it’s going to be next to impossible for me to get any sleep knowing you’re sleeping in my bed,” she confessed huskily.

Liz felt her cheeks warm, her heart now pounding furiously.

“Oh.” She breathed.

Terri continued to stare at her for a minute, then winked before she stood.

“Dessert?”

“God no.” Liz refused quickly, relieved Terri had moved away. The scent of the woman was intoxicating…or perhaps she was feeling the effects of the pain killers? Part of her, the rational part, wanted it to be the pain killers. The other part wondered how it would feel to lie in Terri’s arms.

She watched Terri settle onto the sofa beside her. They watched television in a comfortable silence until Liz could feel her eyes grow heavy. She couldn’t believe she was ready for sleep again so soon. Terri, who had left her to shower and change into something more comfortable, was way ahead of her. She handed her two more pills and another glass of water before escorting her to the bedroom. Once the door was closed behind her, Liz wasn’t sure what she should do. Part of her, a reluctant part, wished Terri would join her in the queen-sized bed. Another part of her was relieved she didn’t have to deal with her feelings for Terri right now. She had serious problems to think over and her judgment didn’t need to be clouded by falling in love with a woman.

As she crawled between the clean cool sheets (Terri had changed them for her), the words sunk in. In love with a woman? Was she really falling in love with Terri? She wasn’t sure she could make that determination right now. Imagine that, a 52-year-old woman who could not tell if she was in love or not. Had she ever been in love? Maybe. Once. A very long time ago…

Right now, she had these feelings for Terri. They were intense. Sexual, but not entirely sexual. Terri had become very important to her. And it was more than friendship, she knew that. Perhaps she was already in love. Was that so horrible? Other than the fact that she was married and heterosexual? No, it was not a problem at all. She smiled to herself as she dropped off into sleep.

*

Her heart was racing and a cold sweat clung to her skin when she woke a few hours later. She had been dreaming…of Peter. He was infuriated, beating her. She couldn’t defend herself…

She sat up, inhaling sharply from the pain in her middle and wiping away the chilling sweat. She glanced at the clock on the nightstand, 2:00am. She noticed the two pills and a glass of water waiting for her. Smiling, and thankful for the woman who was sleeping on the other side of the bedroom door, she swallowed the pills and sipped at the water, lying down until she could catch her breath. It was pointless to try to sleep again. She was too terrified after that dream. She swung her legs off the bed thirty minutes later, relieved to find the pain had all but disappeared. She stood, walking tentatively to avoid any creaking floorboards. Then she realized she was in an apartment building and not her own home. Peter was not waiting for her around some corner. She shook her head as she padded across the room and peeked out of the bedroom door. Terri was sitting up in the pull out bed watching TV.

“Couldn’t sleep?” she asked softly.

Liz smiled, settling herself onto the overstuffed loveseat, “bad dream.”

Terri nodded, “sorry.”

Liz was silent. She, too, was sorry. Sorry about many of the choices she had made in her life. She laughed softly to herself…that was the first time she had ever admitted that.

“Anything I can do?” Terri offered.

“You’ve already done so much…”

Terri raised a brow, “what?”

Liz could feel her breath catch. She wouldn’t have the nerve to ask, would she? Did she have the right to ask? Was there an underlying reason why she wanted to ask?

“I won’t be able to get back to sleep in a strange place with—”

“You want me to drive you home?”

Liz shook her head emphatically, “no. No.”
She swallowed again, “what I meant to say was I have trouble sleeping alone in a strange place…”

She lowered her eyes, afraid to see the look in Terri’s eyes. Terri had done so much for her already…and what was she asking of her now? She held her breath.

“Liz, look at me.”

Liz swallowed and forced herself to meet those intense blue-gray eyes. Terri was watching her closely.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Liz nodded quickly, the sting of rejection forcing her to lower her gaze, “yes, of course. I’m sorry for asking.”

“Hey,” Terri reached out and cupped Liz’s chin, raising her head until their eyes met again. “I’m not rejecting you. I cannot sleep beside you and…” she hesitated.

Liz stood abruptly, “it’s not a problem. I mean, I’m sorry. You’ve done so much for me already and I—”

“Shut up Liz.”

Liz watched as Terri stood from the pullout bed. She was dressed in a tee shirt and boxer shorts and Liz could not help but appreciate the muscles rippling in her thighs as she moved to stand before her. But Liz could not bring herself to look up into those eyes again. Terri moved in closer, once again placing a finger beneath her chin to lift Liz’s head until their eyes met.

“Listen to me,” Terri began softly. “I didn’t bring you here because you’re some helpless woman who needed to be rescued,” she leaned down to brush her lips against Liz’s forehead tenderly. Liz could feel her heart skip a beat. “I brought you here because I care about you,” she kissed a cheek gently. “I brought you here because I want to be with you,” she said softly, soothingly, kissing Liz’s other cheek. Liz felt her legs go weak. “But I can’t have you right now because you’re emotionally drained and you need some time.” She paused a moment before whispering in Liz’s ear softly, “so please, I’m begging you, please do not ask me to lie beside you, smell you, feel you…that close to me…I’m telling you, I won’t be able to resist. Understand?”

Liz looked up into those hauntingly beautiful eyes as their lips met. The kiss began tenderly but slowly transformed into a reflection of Terri’s desire. When their lips parted, Terri stared down at her, her eyes pleading for understanding. Liz could feel the drugs in her system, combined with the heat from Terri’s kiss, thundering through her veins. And she was suddenly afraid. Afraid of Terri, afraid of her feelings for this woman…afraid of her own arousal.

She backed away from Terri slowly, smiled half-heartedly and made her way to the bedroom, closing the door behind her. She let the tears fall, not sure why they fell. Was she distraught because of the past 48 hours? Was she distraught because she felt helpless? Or was she distraught because she wanted Terri to sleep beside her tonight…to make love to her? Guilt swept through her again. But she could also feel the heat of arousal in the pit of her stomach…and a dampness between her thighs. Her breathing was labored, her senses heightened. God, was she really that aroused by a woman? By one woman in particular? One who had the most amazing amount of restraint anyone could imagine? Unfortunately. She smiled to herself at that thought. She knew Terri was right. Now was not the time for Terri to sweep her off her feet. She was emotionally bloody. Raw from the beating, tired of her life, frustrated, heartbroken, humiliated…and angry. That realization surprised her. She was angry for the first time in years. Angry enough to defy her husband’s demand to return home. Typically she would have run back, apologetic, making his dinner while he insisted she had brought about the beating. He’d buy her some ridiculous gift the next day, flowers, chocolate, jewelry and things would go back to normal until the next time. But not this time. And Terri was kind enough, patient enough…loving enough to not take advantage of her when she was so utterly vulnerable.

As she slid between the damp sheets, she realized that for now she had to be content with wondering how it would feel to lie beside Terri, to relax into those arms, to sleep without the nightmares. She’d love to act on her feelings, but that wasn’t fair to Terri. It wasn’t fair to either of them.

*****

She gathered the few items Terri had bought for her at the drug store and shoved them into a plastic bag the next morning. She had showered, made the bed, straightened up the room and taken another dose of pain killers. It was 7am…time to face the music. She wore the same casual slacks she’d worn to the hospital and a tee shirt borrowed from Terri.

The smell of bacon greeted her as she stepped from the bedroom. As enticing as it was, she didn’t think she would be able to keep anything down this morning. It wasn’t like her to disobey a direct order from Peter. She wondered what it would cost her. How much damage would he do this time? She shook her head. Why was she so willing to accept that he would beat her again? And why did she feel like she didn’t have a choice in the matter?

She sat down at the small table in the kitchen, watching as Terri moved about silently. Minutes later, Terri set a plate of bacon, eggs and grits before her. She set an equal helping before herself. Liz realized it was the first time she had seen Terri eat anything hearty in the morning. But, she realized, Terri hadn’t eaten much the night before. In fact, she wondered if Terri had eaten much of anything yesterday.

They sat across from one another in silence. Liz nibbled on the food for a few minutes but then simply sipped at the steaming cup of coffee. Her hands were trembling and she realized she was scared. He said he would kill Terri. Would he kill her if he couldn’t get to Terri? She wondered if this was the last morning of her life…and if so, why had she made the mistake of sleeping alone last night? She shut her eyes and shook her head. Damnit, why couldn’t she get this woman out of her head for a few goddamn minutes?

“When I was in grad school,” Terri began softly, “a very dear friend of mine lived with a man who beat her.” Terri paused for a moment before continuing. “It went on for years. She wouldn’t leave him, claimed she loved him. I did some research on battered women. I wanted to know why she stayed. They didn’t have any children. I found out that some woman stay because they don’t think they have anywhere else to go.” She knew Terri was watching her, but Liz avoided her eyes, continuing to sip at her cup of coffee. “I talked to my friend about it one night. A heart to heart. I didn’t lecture, I didn’t demand she make any decisions. I simply told her she had a place to stay if and when she was ready. She left him a year later. She’s an attorney now. She works with battered women.”

Liz digested the information silently. She couldn’t begin thinking about lawyers. She had to figure out how to stay alive today.

“I’m going to tell you the same thing I told her. You have a place to stay. And I know a lawyer who will get you everything you deserve if…when you’re ready to leave him. You will not be destitute, you will not be alone.”

Terri pushed her plate away and waited until Liz met her gaze, “but if you ask me to sit by and watch him assault you—… someone is going to get hurt. I don’t know if it will be him or me, but I will not let him put his hands on you again. I can’t do it.”

She stood abruptly, snatching away their dishes and tossing them into the sink. Liz thought she heard a plate break.

“So, I’m going to walk you downstairs and put you in a cab, although I want you to stay here. To stay where it’s safe. But I also know you have to handle this your way…” She was struggling and Liz could see her hands balled into fists. “And I want you to promise to call me when you need me. But when you call me, realize that you’re leaving him. Not leaving him to be with me, just leaving him. I won’t go back and forth with this…I won’t let another woman I love suffer like that. So, if you call…when you call, know why you’re calling.”

They stared at one another across the space of the tiny kitchen. Liz took in Terri’s dark skin, the strain on her face, the worry in those beautiful eyes. Terri was telling her she had a way out. She no longer had two young children, no longer had a reason to stay. Terri had opened the door…would she be able to walk through it?

Liz forced a smile and Terri shut her eyes for a moment. Then she closed the distance between them. She lifted Liz from her seat, crushing Liz to her as her lips covered Liz’s brutally. Liz could taste her concern, her worry, her frustration…her hunger. When Terri pulled away, she looked down into Liz’s enticing dark brown eyes and took a deep breath.

“I’m in love with you Elizabeth Wright. Don’t keep me waiting long.”

Liz could feel her breath catch for the hundredth time since meeting this woman. She knew, in that instant, that she was in love with Terri. But before she could say a word, Terri had retrieved the plastic bag with her few belongings in it and was holding the front door open for her.

*

Gia strongly resembled her father. She was taller than Liz, with a golden brown complexion and her father’s long, thick lashes and sultry eyes. But she had her mother’s dimples and full hips. Her body was curvaceous in a way Liz’s had never been. Gia was an attractive woman, something that had always pleased Liz.

The woman sitting on the front steps beside her was nothing like her. She was dark skinned, tall…huge. Liz guessed she probably weighed 300 pounds and most of it seemed to be muscle. She was very “manly” in Liz’s opinion, wearing jeans and a man’s flannel shirt with leather motorcycle boots. Her head was shaved bald, she wore a silver hoop through her left eyebrow…and Liz knew she loved her daughter fiercely. So, for that reason alone, Bobbi was okay in her book any day.

“Hi baby, hey Bobbi. What are you two doing here?” She called as she stood from the cab. Her voice was strained, she knew it. She turned to pay the driver but he informed her that the fare had already been taken care of. She couldn’t hide the stiffness of her body or the bruises on her face as she moved to meet her daughter’s glare.

“Dad called.”

Liz’s steps faltered and she clutched the plastic bag in her hand tightly. She swallowed as she forced herself to continue walking and open the front door.

“Did you eat? Do you want me to make you something?”

“No Mrs. Wright, we already ate.”

Liz turned to Bobbi, smiling, “Bobbi, please call me Liz. How many times do I have to—?”

“Mom, what’s going on?” Gia interrupted the light banter. “Dad said you’re having an affair with some bus driver?”

Liz shook her head, “that’s not true.”

“So what’s going on?! He said the bus driver attacked him!”

“Gia, look at your mother’s face and the cast on her hand. If someone did that to you I would attack them.” Bobbi interrupted.

Liz held up her good hand to silence them, “she didn’t attack him. She was defending herself…and me.”

“She?”

Liz swore to herself. Of course Peter would not have mentioned the fact that the bus driver was a woman.

“Where’s your father?”

“I don’t know. He wasn’t here when we arrived.”

Liz nodded and led the way to her bedroom. She closed and locked the door, waiting until Gia and Bobbi were settled on her paisley loveseat. She pulled the tee shirt over her head and swore to herself again when she heard Gia’s swift intake of breath at the sight of the bandages wrapped around her middle. She donned a robe quickly, glad she had taken painkillers that morning.

She took a deep breath. Things were changing so rapidly. She had lied to her children for so many years…but not today. She would tell her daughter what was going on. Gia was 27 years old and didn’t need her protection anymore. She sat down on the bed, across from the waiting pair.

“Your father has been beating me since the second year of our marriage.”

The words simply fell from her. Gia stared at her in shocked silence. It was the first time they had ever spoken of it.

“I know Mom…Paul and I both knew. We could hear him…no one ever talked about it.”

“I know baby. When you’re a parent, you want to protect your children…” She hesitated, “I know you and Paul think I should have left your father. But I had nothing, do you understand? No place to go, no one to turn to…I was trapped. And he didn’t hit the two of you. You had a good education, a good start.”

“Listening to him beat you senseless was a good start?”

Liz ignored the hostility in her tone, “that was my choice. I did what I felt I had to do.”

“What happened here yesterday Mom?” Gia pressed.

“There’s a woman…her name is Terri. She drives the faculty shuttle bus at my school. We’ve been…” She couldn’t get the words out. She licked her lips, “we’ve been spending time together. Your father found out. He beat me. Terri came to pick me up the next morning. She knew I was lying and wouldn’t leave. When she saw the bruises,” she shook her head, “they fought. Then Terri took me to the hospital…I spent the night at her apartment in Manhattan.”

“Spending time together? What does that mean? Are you in love with this woman Mom?”
Liz looked into her daughter’s eyes, closing her own for a moment. She smiled to herself before opening her eyes again, “yes.”

She could see her answer was a shock to Gia. The three of them sat silently, watching one another. Liz felt more drained than ever. Gia was the first to recover.

“Are you leaving Dad?”

It was a question Liz had not been able to answer herself until that moment. “I don’t know. Probably…yes. Yes, I am.”

Gia nodded, shifting gears, “listen Mom, you can’t stay here. He’s furious. He was ranting and raving…I’ve never seen him so upset. And he called me. He never calls me.”

Liz stood, forcing herself to remain calm, “I have to face him Gia. I won’t sneak away in the night.”

“Well, where the hell is your bus driver? Why didn’t she come with you? Why would she send you here alone?”

“She didn’t send me here, I live here. She’s waiting for me to call her…when I’m ready.”

“Call her, mom. Or come to Virginia with us. You can’t stay here.”

Liz knelt before her daughter, taking her hands in her own. “Listen to me. I have to do this my way. It’s the first time I’ve wanted to…do anything about it. Let me do this. You and Bobbi should leave now.”

“No. I’m not leaving you here alone.”

Bobbi stood, “Gia, let’s go.”

“I’m not leaving my mother here.”

“Gia, I will call you in the morning. I promise everything will be okay.”

Gia paused for a moment longer before leaning forward to hug her mother tightly. “I love you mom. Please, please call me in the morning, okay?”

There were tears in her eyes. They brought tears to Liz’s eyes and the two women held each other tightly.

“It’ll be okay, baby. Bobbi, you take care of my little girl, okay? I’ll call in the morning.”

Bobbi took hold of Gia’s arm and pulled her gently from her mother. Liz watched them leave, her heart racing. A weight had been lifted. She had confessed to another human being…her daughter. It felt…well, odd. But it was a start. She hesitated a moment longer before making her way to the garage. She unearthed two large suitcases and dragged them back to her bedroom. She began with the left side of her closet.

It was past midnight when he finally stumbled into the house. She’d loaded her bags into the Toyota and was sipping a glass of wine at the kitchen table. He was already drunk and she was prepared for a fight. She had called Terri when she heard his car pull into the driveway. Terri would be there in 30 minutes.

He’d noticed the suitcases in the Toyota. He tossed his keys on the table, watching her closely. She sat, dressed in a winter white, tailored dress, heels and sheer black stockings. Her hand trembled a little as she sipped the wine. Her nervousness did not escape him.

“You’re going to her.” He bit out.

“I’m leaving.” She corrected.

She watched him open the cabinet where they kept the liquor. She had emptied the bottles.

“Where the fuck is my cognac?” He demanded, approaching her. She resisted the urge to shrink back.

“I poured it out. I wanted to talk while you were sober. I didn’t know you were out drinking.”

“You poured out a $200 bottle of cognac? You’re a stupid fucking bitch.”

She braced herself for the slap…it didn’t come. He turned away from her and she released the breath she’d been holding. Silence hung between them for a few minutes. Then he turned to her.

“I’ll get help. I’ll never lay another hand on you. I swear it.”

She was moved by the passion in his voice. She wanted to believe him. But she knew it was too little, too late. She no longer loved him. She realized that now.

“Peter…” Her voice caught in her throat. “Peter,” she began again, “I care about you. I really do. But I can’t do this anymore.”

He approached her again, this time she recognized defeat and a bit of fear in the slouch of his shoulders. She watched in shock as he dropped to his knees before her.

“Baby, I don’t mean to hurt you. I love you so much I can’t think sometimes. When you do things…I just lose control. It’s not your fault, it’s mine. I know that. I’ll go see a counselor. I’ll get better, I promise.” He laid his head in her lap. “Just don’t leave me, Liz.”

She was speechless. She wondered how she would have felt if he’d said this years ago. Now…there was nothing but pity. She combed her fingers through his hair gently, breathing in deeply. Terri would be here soon. She wanted to avoid another confrontation.

“Peter, if what you say is true, then you need some space, some time to work things out. We’ll talk in a month or two, okay?”
She knew it was a lie. Once she left, she never planned to return to this house. Perhaps he heard the lie in her voice, she wasn’t sure. He stood swiftly and began to pace. Her heart rate increased slightly.

“How long Liz? How long did you know you were a fucking dyke? All those years, I thought you were frigid. Instead you just like fucking women.”

He was ranting, pacing back and forth liked a caged animal. She said nothing, glancing at her watch. Terri would be there soon.

“You’re a liar. You, your lesbo daughter. That son you gave birth to that’s probably a faggot. All of you, fucking liars.”

She stood from the table, backing away slowly. He was becoming increasingly incensed.

“I’ve wasted my life! Wasted my youth on this fucking family! Fucking dyke daughter, dyke wife, faggot son. Why? Because I married a lying fucking cock tease!”

She felt the kitchen sink at her back as he stormed toward her, realizing there was no where else to go.

“After all I’ve done for you, for those fucking kids! After all I’ve done! If I can’t have you—” his fingers closed around her throat.

Images flashed before her eyes. Her children, her job…Terri. She was used to the pain, but the shortness of breath frightened her. Shocked into immobility at first, she felt her fingers suddenly clawing at the hands around her throat, drawing his blood. She was becoming lightheaded, the lack of oxygen causing an explosion of panic and pain in her head, a burning in her lungs. Her arms were flailing suddenly and when her hand closed over the handle of a butcher knife lying in the sink she knew it was a survival instinct. She buried the blade into him and he released her immediately, clutching at his neck as she drew in air desperately. Hot liquid squirted onto her face, her clothes. She took a step and slid on the wet tile floor, hitting her head on the counter as she fell. Then there was black.

When she woke, Terri was kneeling beside her. She felt a puddle of cold, sticky liquid beneath her. She looked up into Terri’s worried blue-gray eyes.

“Are you hurt?”

Liz shook her head, but winced after doing so. She smiled feebly, reaching up to touch the knot at the back of her head.

“I slipped and hit my head.”

Terri nodded, helping her to her feet. Liz looked up at her gratefully. “Thanks.”

It took her a moment, as she looked around at the chaos of the kitchen, to see the broken back door. Terri had broken a glass pane to get in. Her eyes continued to roam and the horror settled back over her. Peter was lying a few feet from them, the knife protruding from his neck in an obscene manner. She reached up to touch her neck.

“Don’t touch anything. The police and Vicki are on the way.”

“Vicki?”

Terri nodded, “my friend, the lawyer. You’re going to need a lawyer.”

Liz remained silent. She was going to need a lawyer because she’d killed her husband. She felt both horror and relief. Her nightmare was over…and a new one was beginning.

Terri settled her on the sofa. For a moment she blanched at the thought of her blood soaked clothes on the white sofa. But then she realized the person who cared most was lying on the kitchen floor. She almost smiled at the thought and then wondered what kind of monster that made her.

“Is he dead?” She asked softly.

Terri nodded, holding her hand. The screaming sirens caused her to tense. Terri gave her hand a reassuring squeeze and then went to let the police in. Liz was glad she was there. She sat on the sofa, trembling. Later, when Terri was sitting beside her again, she wondered why none of the officers spoke to her.

“Why aren’t they arresting me? Or asking me any questions?”

“I told them you didn’t want to give a statement without your lawyer present.”

Liz nodded again, silently thanking her.

Once Victoria Page arrived, the “interview” was quite brief. After the EMT examined her wounds the officers concluded, at least for now, that the bruises around her neck were made by someone else, most likely a man. In other words, they believed she had been fighting for her life. They warned her not to leave the state, but she was not going to be arrested at this time. She watched in somewhat of a daze as they removed Peter’s body and began to file out of her house. Someone mentioned the media, but Terri refused the interview on her behalf. Liz worried if Gia would hear about this on the news…it was only a fleeting thought. Her hands were trembling again.

It was almost dawn when the house was finally empty. Terri had given her some pain killers and something to help her relax. She was now sitting across from her, speaking softly with Victoria. Liz slumped back against the plush sofa pillows and felt herself drift into a restless sleep.

When she woke it was dusk, her head was resting on Terri’s muscled thigh. She sat up slowly, her head throbbing. She looked up at Terri. She was breathing deeply, asleep. Liz sighed, she looked beautiful.

She glanced down at her clothes. Her dress was ruined. The blood had dried into a large reddish-brown stain. And when she stood, quietly so as not to disturb Terri, she realized the white sofa was also ruined. She sighed again, combing her fingers through her hair.

“How are you?”

She hadn’t realized Terri was awake, watching her. She smiled half-heartedly.

“I’m not sure. Okay, I guess.” She looked around. “I don’t think I want to be here anymore.”

Terri nodded, standing, “I laid some clothes out on your bed for you. Take these,” she handed her some more painkillers, “and take a quick shower, okay? We’ll go back to my place.”

Liz nodded, making her way to the shower. She wrapped a towel around her form once she was done and stared down at the casual clothes Terri had laid out for her. She sat on the bed for a moment, allowing her spinning head and churning stomach to settle. She leaned forward to rest her face in her hands, trying to still the tears that wanted to spill forth. She wasn’t successful.

Terri found her sobbing, wrapped in only the towel, rocking back and forth. She sat beside her, curving an arm around her, pulling her close. Liz rested against her, absorbing some of her strength. Terri rubbed her back tenderly, whispering words of comfort. She probably should not have been terribly surprised when Liz turned to her, lifted her head and pressed her lips firmly against Terri’s. She probably should have expected the hunger, the need, the absolute desperation.

She knew Liz wasn’t ready, but at this moment, when she knew the woman she loved was consumed by guilt and anguish, she could not reject her. The kiss grew more passionate as Terri gave in to her feelings. This woman had been battered for years, but now Terri would care for her, comfort her. Terri pulled her closer, lying back on the bed and bringing Liz with her. Liz lay partially atop her, kissing Terri with a feverish longing, enjoying the feel of Terri’s strength beneath her trembling body. She moaned into Terri’s mouth as Terri matched her hunger, caressing the soft flesh of her back, cupping the tender swell of her exposed buttocks. They kissed for an eternity, until Terri was no longer content to simply hold her. She shifted their positions until she hovered over Liz, carefully removing the towel. The sight of her, of the woman she’d craved for so many months, took her breath away. The caramel softness, the delicately aged breasts, the swell of her tummy, the curve of her hips…it captivated her.

Liz felt the sobs rising again and turned her head, certain Terri would find her as repulsive as Peter had. She was unprepared for the onslaught of feelings that swelled within her as Terri began to plant soft kisses on her skin, absolutely shocked at the sensations coursing through her body. She moaned loudly as Terri’s hands moved over her, caressing her, teasing her. Her back arched as Terri teased first one throbbing nipple, then the other. Within moments a swift and powerful orgasm ripped through her, stealing the breath from her entirely.

Terri was not shocked when, as her orgasm subsided, Liz burst into tears yet again. She moved back up to kiss Liz hungrily, relishing in the saltiness of the tears she knew hailed from dismay mixed with indescribable pleasure. Her own body was exquisitely tense. She began to nibble and lick at Liz’s wonderfully soft flesh once again, tasting of her shoulders, her throat, her hips. Her lips made their way down to Liz’s toes, then up again, slowly, to her calves, her knees, her thighs. She took her time, devouring every inch of Liz’s flesh, then kissing her tears away, swallowing her moans of pleasure. She had barely stroked Liz’s slick center when Liz catapulted into a second orgasm. And when her mouth finally honed in on Liz’s nether lips, Liz cried out, a third orgasm soaring through her delightfully tensed form before Terri had a chance to even part those lips.

Terri pulled back for a moment, tenderly kissing Liz’s inner thighs, licking the backs of her knees, worshiping those gorgeous legs. She waited until Liz’s breathing had settled down before truly tasting of her center. She stoked the fire slowly this time, savoring Liz’s tantalizingly musky scent, burying her face in the soft, graying pubic hair, gently nipping at the swollen lips, lapping up the free flowing nectar. She wasn’t certain what orgasm Liz was experiencing when her own climax suddenly thundered through her.

She lay on her side, holding Liz tightly. She realized they probably weren’t going anywhere tonight. Tonight, she would make love to Liz over and over again in the home she had shared with her husband. It would be their first and only night in this house. She wanted to give Liz something pleasurable to remember about this place, other than her children. She wanted to give that gift to the woman she loved, the woman who had spent so many nights of terror here. She held Liz until she could feel her breathing deepen. She would only let her sleep for a couple of hours. They had to eat…and she was looking forward to loving this woman over and over again before dawn. And then, tomorrow, they would leave this place and begin their life together.

THE END