When I met Tammy she had two kids, Cindy, fourteen and Thomas, five. Tammy was married to Thomas’ father, John. They’d been together for six years. I have no idea how they made it that long. She despised the guy, hated him from the very start. She got together with him on account of his dick. Apparently, the guy was hung like a regular horse. And he had money. The Roth family lived under a cloud of recriminations, always short of all-out violence.
He never laid a hand on her. I think she would’ve killed him. She was an animal in bed, and out of it, too. Instead, he insulted her. He cussed her out in front of the kids, whenever he spoke to her: bitch, slut, whore, cunt. She was all of these, but he didn’t have to get the kids involved.
Tammy was 33 years old, when we met at work. I was 24. After a long night of heavy drinking and smoking pot, she drove me home. I had no problem convincing her to come up to my apartment. We were both drunk. We made out on the couch. By the end of the night, I’d shot a load into her mouth, which she swallowed, and then she gave up her motherly-pussy on the shag, living room carpet. From that night forward, we got together as often as we could. It never bothered me that she had a husband. We shared the same woman. He fucked his wife. So what. My joy in Tammy was in her body and in that tight pussy of hers.
She didn’t love John. That was clear. She used him to keep a roof over her kid’s heads. Our relationship was less materially complicated. But it got more elaborately twisted. It was sex, sure. But over time, our adultery evolved.
“If I didn’t have you,” she told me one time, “life would be unbearable. You and me, our time together, that brings me the only joy in my otherwise shitty life.”
Leave, I would say.
“I can’t divorce him. Why? Are you going to marry me? No? I didn’t think so. On my own, I’d have to move into the ghetto, live next to gang-bangers and rapists.”
“You can live in a trailer park.” I’d say.
“Fuck you,” she’d say.
I have a feeling John suspected for a long time. I put myself in his shoes. The pressure must have built up, the fact that his wife was fucking other men. That idea overtook him. And so, one day, when the kids were at school and Tammy was working, he shot himself in the head. Cindy, Tammy’s daughter found him after school.
“I feel guilty, Tammy,” I told her. “It’s my fault.” Our fault.
“Stop. Don’t. How do you think I should feel, then? He’s been on some serious antidepressants for years.” she said. “The drugs have side-effects. And he had issues that had nothing to do with you or me. So don’t say anything. No one knows why he did it.”
Tammy and I didn’t see each other outside of work for several days. She buried him and then she told me she was going on a family vacation, a little something to reconnect with the kids. But before she left, she wanted to spend the night with me one more time.
“When you come back, maybe I can come to your home,” I said.
She smiled. “That would be nice. I have to be the best mother I can be,” she said. “I need to spend more time at home.”
On that final night, after work and after several drinks, we went into the bedroom and had sex, an almost ritualized long protracted sex act, slow kisses, full of deliberate movements and meaningful looks. We showered and washed each other, all the while kissing and caressing all over. She sucked my cock in the tub, as the shower rained down her face. We got out and dried ourselves with our towels. I had her bend over the sink, while I got down on my knees and I slowly ate her pussy out, licking her swollen clitoris, bitting her ass cheeks, even tonguing her asshole. She squirmed and giggled. We went back into the bedroom, to our cold sheets and we fucked like animals, biting and scratching each other.
We went out for dinner at a family-Mexican place and then came back to my apartment. We drank shots of tequila, and we fucked again. We built up to the point of cumming and then pulled back. Sweat ran down our hot bodies. After an hour of this, we collapsed. Beyond spent, she lay next to me, stroking my whithered cock. We enjoyed the quiet rest before we fucked some more into the early morning.
She cleared her throat. “Steve,” she said. “Can I tell you something? This is me, okay, and I’m not expecting anything from you. Don’t freak out.” She got up on her elbows, and turned her tired face toward me. Her huge tits hung beautifully down to her stomach. “You’ve been great to me all these months, especially recently. You keep me sane. I don’t know what I’d have done without you. I want to let you know how much you mean to me, and not just for the wonderful sex, which is great. The best. But even beyond that, I want to let you know that I appreciate you and that I love you,” she said. She sighed and fell back on my arm. “Don’t say anything, now. Just know that whatever happens, I’ll always love you.”
“I love you, too,” I told her. I explained a bit of what I meant by that. “I love you as my friend, as my lover.” I went on and on. That made her very happy.
She told me she wanted to give me something she’d never given anyone before.
“What’s that?” I asked.
“Get up,” she told me, and jumped off the bed. I marveled at her stark, honest nakedness. “Come on, get up. You need to be standing.” I lazily slid off the bed and onto the cold wooden floor.
“Do you have any Vaseline?” she asked. I started getting some ideas about what she had in mind.
“No,” I told her.
“Any baby oil?”
I looked at her like she was crazy. “What would I do with something like that?”
She tapped her foot and pinched her nipple. “Shampoo, then?”
“What the fuck do you want with my shampoo, Tam?”
She put her hands on my arms, and kissed me, tongue and all. “Will you just bring it to me?”
I left the bedroom and brought back an almost full bottle of VO5.
“That’ll do,” she said. I didn’t ask her any questions. “This’ll clean up well, too, so it’s perfect. Come over here, behind me. Maybe you’ll want to turn on the lights. I wish I could see what it looks like.” She put her upper body on the bed. She pulled around her the pillows and the blanket. Her ass hung over the side, so beautiful and round. She spread her long legs wide and adjusted her body. “Pour that into my ass crack and then rub it in. I want you to fuck me up the ass.”
I got excited at trying something new. I’d never done this before. In the past, with other women, I’d brought up the subject, but none of my girlfriends would ever consider it. Now it was Tammy asking me. She was telling me she wanted me to fuck her where no man had ever fucked her.
“You sure about this Tammy?” I asked.
“Of course I’m sure. I want to give this to you, Steve. No one’s ever fucked me there. They’ve asked. Man, have they pestered me about it. I’ve never let them. But I want to give that to you. You’ll take it easy? Stop when I ask. You promise to be easy? I don’t want to tear.”
I jiggled her soft butt cheek. “I’ll take it easy.” I turned the bottle over on its top and then I squeezed the golden yellow liquid directly over the top of her ass, right below her tattoo of a dolphin jumping over a blue-green Zen symbol. The shampoo pooled into her ass crack. I spread her ass and the shampoo ran quickly down her ass and pussy, coursing through the wild mat of brown pubic hair.
“Ooh, that’s cold. Just like that. Now, spread it in there. Don’t be afraid to get those fingers into my asshole.”
“Like this?” I pushed the soft tip of my index finger in there. It was hard at first. She was tight, definitely nervous.
“Ooh, yes, get in there and work that shampoo into my hole.”
We were both so anxious, anticipating it, like we were discovering some new country, exploring untapped sensations. Her asshole was so tight. It closed around my finger. But I knew how this worked. If I only kept turning and pulling on her sphincter. Bit by bit, her asshole would grow to accommodate anything, including my cock. I got my finger in down to my knuckle. I licked my lips. I added another finger, and then another. I used my thumb, too. The shampoo began to build a lather. She rolled her ass under my hand. She started moaning.
“Oh, my god, that feels good. Mmmm, this is going to be great. Oh, yes, fuck me with your fingers.” She inhaled through her teeth. “Oh shit, I feel like I’m going to poop…”
“Don’t.”
“…but I’m not.”
I cautiously finger fucked her asshole. I ran my other hand up and down her thighs. She pulled on the sheets and bit into the cushions.
“That’s enough,” she said. “I’m ready. I think.” She adjusted her feet and spread her butt cheeks apart. I looked into the small red tunnel. I salivated over this new object of my lust. I wiped my fingers on her hips. “Come inside of me,” she said.
I took aim with my cock and rolled the purple head around her anus.
“Come on, Steve. Stop teasing me. Fucking A. Fuck me already. You have no idea how much I want that fucking cock inside me.”
I grabbed the shampoo trapped in her cunt hairs and I lathered my shaft. I took a deep breath and then I pulled back my foreskin. The top of the head went right in without any trouble. I looked up at the bed. I saw Tammy smile, her mouth open.
“I’m putting it all in.” I told her.
“Go ahead, it feels nice. Mmm, it feels so nice.” She bit the blanket and closed her eyes.
I enjoyed watching my cock disappear into her. The anatomy of her ass was so simple compared to her pussy. I loved how her asshole grabbed the base of my cock and the rest of my cock ran up and down her ribbed inner-lining. Slowly at first and gently, I moved in and out of her bowels. She danced and hopped her ass up and down, turning on her shafted ass. I built up speed, played with different rhythms. Eventually I was jack-hammering in and out, fucking her as hard as I ever had her pussy. She yelled for more.
“Fuck me, you fucking asshole. Fuck my ass, take my ass from me. Fuck it! Fuck it!”
I slowed the pace. “You’re sure this is your first time, Tammy?” I asked her.
“Oh, you fucker. Of course it’s my first time. I’m giving you my precious ass and you haver the guts to doubt me. You were the first, and now I’m your goddamn ass-fucked bitch.”
I smacked her ass and climbed over on top of her. I licked her spine and shoulder blades, salty and wet from her acrid sweat. I shoved my cock as deep as it would go. She panted for air.
“Tammy,” I said, “I’m going to shoot my cum inside of you.” I bit her back and hurried my pace.
“Just do it,” she said.
I tilted my head back and shot my cum over and over into her intestines. I groaned and squeezed my eyes shut. She kicked her hips up and down, like she was fucking the bed. She convulsed and writhed, pulling the blanket into her arms. She kept up her ass action. She came right after me, with my cock still in her. When I pulled out, semen gushed from her stretched-out asshole. Her body collapsed. I wiped her ass with my t-shirt, and then I wiped the length of my cock.
“I loved that,” she said. She lay prostrate, perfectly still, breathing deeply though her mouth. I patted her ass. She pulled her legs up into the bed. I thought about the bathroom, about soaping off my cock and washing it, but I skipped it. Instead, I got into bed behind her and pulled the cover over us. She wrapped my arm around her and I kissed the softness of her back.
“I’ll always remember this,” she said.
“Me, too,” I whispered.
She woke up in the middle of the night, like she frequently did, got dressed and left. I vaguely remember her kissing my forehead. The next day, we emailed and talked on the phone for a few minutes. We reminisced about the night before.
“Yes, that was good,” she said. She told me she had to get ready to leave. She had a lot to pack.
“Where are you going?” I asked. I couldn’t remember if she ever told me.
“Down the coast. A road trip.”
“When you get back, I want to see you again as soon as possible,” I said.
I didn’t call or email her for most of her vacation. I didn’t want to intrude on her family time. A few days before she was due back, I called. She didn’t reply, so I emailed. Nothing. I called every few days, until I got the message that the number was disconnected. Days passed. I drove by her house. The furniture was still there. She hadn’t come back. I drove by every once in a while. The grass grew tall and yellowed under the summer sun. Mail overfilled the mailbox and then it was taken away. Eventually, there was no more mail. After a few weeks, the house went on the market.
I never heard from her again.
And that’s how it ended. She meant so much more to me than I admitted to myself. Maybe something similar happened with her. She realized she was more than a neglectful mother and adulteress. She was more than just a cunt to be fucked.
She gave me the last thing she had to give of herself. Before me, She’d given away her heart, her pussy, everything that she valued until there was no more worth in any of it. Then one night, she gave me this precious intimate piece of her and then she closed the book. She severed the past, and went looking for a better life. She did it the hard way. She walked away.